I'm not a huge fan of people

Nope.
I mean, they're nice to talk to for a few minutes, but after a while, you just feel like punching them in the face. I dunno why. And you try to ignore that feeling—like, they can't really mean that, can they?—but after they're gone, you just keep thinking about it. And you just start hating them even more.

And, you know, I'm trying to tone it down. I'm trying to be more "mature."
But it's really hard.
And it's causing havoc on my social life. As in, I have none, because I go out of my way to avoid them. Especially guys. Sigh. And my hormones aren't helping me make it better.

But better to avoid than to cause violence, right?

I've got an elastic heart

That song is just so awesome.

So, yesterday, I downloaded like over 40 songs. Because my music library really needed an update, and, before, there really wasn't anything good that I thought was worth it.
But now it's like there's a shitload of good, non-autotuned, amazing songs in iTunes. I recently learned that it's because the soundtrack for Catching Fire is coming up, and it released some songs early. Well, if those tracks are any indication of the quality of the soundtrack, I'm definitely getting it.

I've also recently learned that my music taste has changed. Well, not changed, really, more like shifted. I noticed that I like a lot more songs with rap in them than I used to. But not normal rap. More like Linkin Park rap. Man, I love that band. I have so many songs from them. And I also like more metal in my music. Wretches and Kings by Linkin Park is actually one of my favourite songs, next to Bleed It Out (which I could listen to forever).
But yeah. It's so weird when you notice how old you yourself is getting, and how your tastes are changing.

I am going to be sooo productive today...

Oh wait. It's 11 pm.
Shit.
What happened?
Fuck.
...
Meh. Sleep now.
I'll study tomorrow.

Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate...

... chocolate, chocolate... The litany in her mind didn't die down. Desperate, she weaved through the crowds, looking for any sign, any place that carried what she so badly needed.
A convenience store up ahead. Perfect. The neon light pronounced it open to the masses.
But you cannot spend any money. Vous n'en avez pas! A smaller voice inside her head screeched. But some money was still left in her university card.
Abruptly, she turned around, oblivious to the confused looks many in the crowd gave her.
Restaurants. Just restaurants. All of them. Don't need food! Only chocolate.
An ice cream stand up ahead. Briefly considering, she shook her head. No. No cold foods. Not at this time of the month.
Minutes passed as she looked around. Nothing!... chocolate, need chocolate, chocolate, chocolate...
Increasingly frantic by the second, she left the building. Halls opened up through another door on the right. People passing flyers and crowds gathered around stands. Not what she needed.
More doors. More hallways. More people.
She almost missed it. There in the lone corner of the entrance stood a vending machine. A glow seemed to be cast from it, almost like a halo. Yes!
Digging out her card, she pressed the buttons, and then... bliss.
Finally.
The recitation in her mind grew quiet, calm once more.

I imagine I'm running from zombies...

... whenever I go on a run. It really keeps me motivated. :D
And not the slow zombies, like on resident evil. The fast ones, like on 28 days later. Those are scary as fuck. I would not last an hour in that world. Although resident evil also has its really scary zombies. Like lickers. Those are just really creepy. And don't get me started on the tyrants, lol.
So, yeah. I've been working out more often lately, and, lemme tell you, it's hard as hell. I feel hungry and tired all the time. I remember I used to be able to go hours without eating anything more than a light snack. And now it's like my stomach is always screaming at me. Sigh. And I have no money, so now I have to, God forbid, learn how to cook. This coming from the girl who burnt toast so many times that she had to buy a whole new loaf.

Je n'ai pas d'argent...

Seriously. I'm sooo broke right now. I am seriously never getting another cat until I'm fucking rich.
And I'm starving. There's really nothing at home (okay, I have no idea how to cook, and, by the time I'm hungry enough, looking up recipes just takes too fucking long).
There's this voice in my head that keeps telling me, it's only one time. What harm can it do?
And there's another voice that keeps saying, No, don't do it. You'll only regret it. Remember, vous n'avez pas d'argent. Yeah, it starts talking in french. I dunno why.
I'm sooo huuunnngggrrryyyy....
Fuck it.
I'm ordering mcdonald's.

It's back to school again

I know a lot of you are like, "Ugh! Not another BtS post!"
Seriously. I've heard it all. In my head. :P

But, yeah. School's a really complicated subject for me right now. I know you're all thinking, "Oh great, she fucked herself over again." And you wouldn't be altogether wrong.
Basically, what happened was that I messed up and got a lot of bad grades last year (and one in the summer). So much so that I had to switch programs. Only, procrastinating and avoiding me didn't do this until August. Just when I realized that switching programs take a shitload of time to be processed. Which meant that I might not go back in September.
Actually, the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. I have a massive credit card bill to pay due to my cat being sick and having to go to the vet, and I could work full-time until January to pay it off. Only one thing blocked me. A full-year course that I needed for basically every second-year course in my program.
But, fortunately, it turns out the program change happened fast, so now I can take courses in September. Or not.
They're all really full. And I'm refreshing like every five minutes to get into at least that full-year course. Which is really full too.
And I can't apply for government funding until I have all my courses, unless I want to get a lot less than I really need. So I'm basically screwed.
I guess I'll just keep refreshing until I get in.
Sigh.
I really hate school. There was a time I loved it, but now, due to my bad habits, and administrative lag (seriously, it's not the 19th century anymore!), I'm really starting to dislike it.

So my sister just got a job...

Basically, what happened was that my manager asked me if anyone I knew was looking for a job, and I told him about my sister.
You know, sometimes I think I really shouldn't have.

She's just... She's the youngest in our family, and a bit spoiled about money (less so now, but still). For me, my job is the most important thing to me, second only to school. Maybe because I was raised to believe that money, independence, and the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want go hand in hand. Rescheduling or skipping work and training is such an anathema to me that I cannot in any way understand why she would want to do that.
She's a bit spiritual, and she wants to reschedule her training next week to go on a week-long trip to this spiritual get-together/party/whatever-the-fuck-I-don't-even-know. I guess you can tell I'm agnostic only in the most scientific sense. I don't believe in God, or religion or anything like that. I do believe there is something greater than us out there, but it probably isn't interested in us in anything less than for studying and experimenting. But who the fuck knows? Or cares? Smh.

I just wish that she had gotten a job on her own, so if she quit, or rescheduled all the time, I wouldn't be involved in it, and my manager wouldn't look to me for answers.

Money... It always leaves as fast as it comes.

So I just slept for 24 hours straight...

Yup. I'm thinking of setting a new record.
Basically, what happened was, I had a test yesterday. And I hadn't studied whatsoever. Literally, I had no idea what was going on.
So I stayed up the entire night yesterday. Nope, not studying. Convincing myself to study. Needless to say, I wasted a lot of time I could have been sleeping.
And there I was, having no idea what was on the test, and with my brain fried from a distinct lack of sleep. I guess you can tell what happened.
This is what happens when I'm stressed, but avoiding and procrastinating.
Sigh. I really need to stop.

I KNOW Me

Better than you know me.

Sigh. I'm just fucking tired of people telling me what to do with my life, my health, and my appearance. Yeah, I get it. I'm unfit. I look ten years older than I really am due to lack of sleep. I rarely put on makeup when I go outside. I eat junk food at least once every few days.
I ALREADY KNOW THAT!
You think I'm doing this in my sleep or something? I KNOW what the fuck I'm doing with my life. So don't fucking tell me what I should be doing with it. I know what I should do.
Honestly. Arrogant assholes who act as if their advice is from God or something should fucking listen to their own advice.
You know what? MAYBE, maybe I'll listen to you when you stop acting like a fucking hypocrite.
Or maybe not. Whatever.
The point is, I know I'm fucking myself over. I don't need you to tell me.
And I'll fix it myself. My own way.

My cat brought home a dead mouse...

I seriously don't know how to feel about this.
On one hand, I feel so bad for the mouse! It was so sad, just lying there looking cute but not breathing. We finally had to throw it out because she kept going near it.
On the other hand, I really didn't think she had it in her. I mean, she's just so lazy. She gives up on games in just ten minutes and, though she's not obese, she's not exactly the most active cat around. o.0 I guess I should feel a bit happy that she has some predator instincts in her?

I feel old...

Sigh. Sometimes I wish I were a kid again, without the responsibility of having a job, bringing home food, and travelling on my own to school.
Maybe I feel this way due to this constant lethargic feeling I've been having.
I proved something today. I slept at 5 am, and I still woke up at 11 am. But even when I sleep early, like at 10 pm, I can never wake up earlier!
My internal clock is messed up. Maybe another reason why I feel old.
Sigh. Sometimes, I wish I could wake up one day, and not have to worry about what has to be done that day.

I LOVE this month!

No, seriously.
TWO of my favourite authors just released books yesterday. Count it! Two! Lol, I really need some new authors to expand on.
AND I'm getting a shitload of hours on account of one of my coworkers going on vacation, so I can pay off my credit card bill and have a lot left over.
I should probably study now—or READ! :)

I don't need a relationship

I have my cat. And she's the cutest, most lovable thing in the world. I mean, how could anyone else compare to her cuteness and lovableness?
So there.
Who needs men anyway?

Hot Supervisors & Teachers

I dunno about you guys, but this has been a problem for me in many of my jobs. Maybe it's because I work in the minimum-wage industry, so a lot of my supervisors/managers are really young as well.
Or maybe I have a thing for authority. :P
I mean, I remember when I had night school, my calc teacher was... GUH. And he wasn't old or anything. He was actually only ten years older than me, and looked a lot younger. I mean, when you'd first see him, you'd think, "Cute." And then he would speak with that deep sexy voice and you'd just... GUH.
I should rename the title of this post to GUH, lol.
But anyway, I just wanted to mention my hot assistant floor manager. He's so cute and Asian. I think I have a thing for nerdy (but hot) guys.
There are other assistant floor managers, and I can talk to them just fine, but whenever he's working, I just shut down. I can't talk for shit. Sigh. I need to stop. He probably has a girlfriend. Sigh.

The Arrival of a New Book

Doesn't it just make you want to jump up and dance?

A few days ago, I realized one of my favourite authors had a new book coming out June 4th. Reading a preview on her site revealed that it was a HUGE spoiler and revealed some AWESOME details in her series. Like the identity of this AWESOME character!! And the identity of another character that was mentioned in passing about how she had disappeared, but was HUGELY important in this book!!

I admit, when it arrived early (as in yesterday) I did some squealing and jumping around.

When I read the spoilers, I did some more squealing!! (So much so my sister wondered what the fuck was wrong with me.)

One thing you have to understand about me is that I hate waste. Especially of money. If I buy something to eat, you can be damn sure I'll finish every part of it, no matter how long it takes. If someone buys me something that I don't deem useful in any way, I'll thank them for the thought, but really wonder what the hell they were thinking when they bought it (i.e. flowers—I mean, even chocolate is more useful).

So you can imagine how anxious I was in buying this (hardcover) book when I didn't even know if it was going to be really good.

But after reading it, I have to say that it was worth every penny. And I love it when something I buy is worth it. It gives me a wonderful feeling.

Sometimes I wish I looked like my shadow...

No, really. I know at first, you're thinking like, what? You do.
But I'm talking about when your shadow's kinda taller than you because of the sun. And your whole silhouette sort of stretches out so you look like you've model height and in great shape. Sigh. If only.
Of course, the hands get fucked up because they get creepily thin and long... or maybe that's just me, since my hands are already pretty thin to begin with.

Real life is so disheartening...

So I was searching for new blogs...

... to read, you know, and one thing I noticed is that a lot of the authors are moms in their late twenties.
I just turned twenty in february, so I'm just wondering... HAS THE COUNTDOWN TO MY FREEDOM BEGUN? O.O
No offense, but I really don't want children at this point in my life. In fact, just thinking of the wailing, spoiled, messy... things makes me want to run in the other direction. As fast as I can.
Oh, I'm sure, people will say they're "a blessing in disguise," or some other bullshit so you can be as miserable as they are, BUT THEY'RE EVIL.
Seriously. I learned in psych that children aren't born with a moral compass. They grow into it! How freaky is that?

But anyway. Yeah. This is what happens when I feel bored as fuck because exams are over.
I really need to find a good, relateable, non-motherly/family blog to read.

Doctor Who Christmas Specials

I dunno what it is about them, but they're just so awesome and magical. :P

So beautiful... :)

I HAD TO

I just did.
NOW SUFFER the same as I do!

Libido... STAHP

My Asian Fixation

Okay, while on break from studying (ha!) I got back into k-pop. Well, it was bound to happen.
They're just so... cute! And hot! It's like... GUH.
And their dancing is so awesome. :P
 Ohh yeah. :D

But, anyway. Sigh. Back to exams. I can't wait until this week is over.

I did a lot of studying. ;)

Kill Me Now

I don't want to talk about exams atm, so I won't. x_x

I need alcohol to cope with the next week.
This can't happen again.

Tomorrow's Saturday.
And I have nothing planned.
Fuck this bullshit.

Well, if you have nothing planned, you know where to go?
To the library!
Or the mall. Whatever.

Have a laugh before exams. No hysterical weeping allowed.

That's Just Great...

Fuck. Just realized I can't go clubbing with my friend now that she has a boyfriend.
NOW WHAT DO I DO AFTER EXAMS??
My other friend won't go clubbing whatsoever, no matter the price, and the other ones, I'm not as close to. Hm. This is a dilemma. Clearly, I need new friends. Or a boyfriend. Well, if I HAD a boyfriend, I wouldn't be thinking about this in the first place! Ugh.
Nevermind. I should really start studying. Ugh.

Weird Thoughts

You know, I read this book where one of the main characters was able to read humans' thoughts, and he was so used to it, he just put them in the back of his mind, like the din of conversation.

But, really, I think if it happened in real life, the person wouldn't be able to put them in the back of his mind. Because everyone is incredibly weird, innately, and so, thus, are their thoughts. I mean, if someone was able to read everyone's thoughts, I don't think they'd be able to put anyone in a box, and say, "Oh, that's a regular, boring human."
Because everyone is really weird. Therefore, the most normal ones are the strangest out of everyone.

Some people juggle geese!

SHIT I DID NOTHING

FUCK MY—well, I would say life, but that doesn't apply correctly, does it?

FUCK MY WORK HABITS.

Exams. Here's to our future.

I Feel Like a Noodle

Tried muscle-training today, and realized just how weak I am.

Then I slept for six hours straight and now I'm wide awake. At 1 am. With every part of my body incredibly sore.

I should probably do something useful. Like start studying.

Maybe tomorrow.

Je Veux du Café

Oy. Kill me now. I slept on the hard couches in one of the many buildings in my uni for an hour or two.
Didn't help. Thinking of going home and just sleeepppiiinnnggg... No. I have a physics exam I need to study for.
Therefore, j'ai besoin du café. That's all I need to keep me going.
Oh, and I should probably fit in exercise somewhere too...

We all know the real reason I work out. ;)

Baby I Just Wanna Sleeeeeppp...

... I don't really caaaarrreee....
That song's been running through my mind for the past couple of hours. Ugh. I am so dead right now.
Yesterday, I slept through the entire day, and woke up around 6pm. I haven't fallen asleep since.
Kill me now. x_x
I feel like just going home and sleeping instead of studying for my physics exam this friday. Meh.

New Blog!

Okay, so I noticed that most people just post a bunch of short sentences in their blogs, and just update daily.
That certainly sounds easier than what I've been doing—writing long-ass posts like once a month.

So, this will be my new "life" blog—one that I will try to update weekly (if not daily). It should be easy enough, considering it's only a few short sentences a day.

Now I'm gonna go take a nap.