I'm not a huge fan of people

Nope.
I mean, they're nice to talk to for a few minutes, but after a while, you just feel like punching them in the face. I dunno why. And you try to ignore that feeling—like, they can't really mean that, can they?—but after they're gone, you just keep thinking about it. And you just start hating them even more.

And, you know, I'm trying to tone it down. I'm trying to be more "mature."
But it's really hard.
And it's causing havoc on my social life. As in, I have none, because I go out of my way to avoid them. Especially guys. Sigh. And my hormones aren't helping me make it better.

But better to avoid than to cause violence, right?

I've got an elastic heart

That song is just so awesome.

So, yesterday, I downloaded like over 40 songs. Because my music library really needed an update, and, before, there really wasn't anything good that I thought was worth it.
But now it's like there's a shitload of good, non-autotuned, amazing songs in iTunes. I recently learned that it's because the soundtrack for Catching Fire is coming up, and it released some songs early. Well, if those tracks are any indication of the quality of the soundtrack, I'm definitely getting it.

I've also recently learned that my music taste has changed. Well, not changed, really, more like shifted. I noticed that I like a lot more songs with rap in them than I used to. But not normal rap. More like Linkin Park rap. Man, I love that band. I have so many songs from them. And I also like more metal in my music. Wretches and Kings by Linkin Park is actually one of my favourite songs, next to Bleed It Out (which I could listen to forever).
But yeah. It's so weird when you notice how old you yourself is getting, and how your tastes are changing.

I am going to be sooo productive today...

Oh wait. It's 11 pm.
Shit.
What happened?
Fuck.
...
Meh. Sleep now.
I'll study tomorrow.

Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate...

... chocolate, chocolate... The litany in her mind didn't die down. Desperate, she weaved through the crowds, looking for any sign, any place that carried what she so badly needed.
A convenience store up ahead. Perfect. The neon light pronounced it open to the masses.
But you cannot spend any money. Vous n'en avez pas! A smaller voice inside her head screeched. But some money was still left in her university card.
Abruptly, she turned around, oblivious to the confused looks many in the crowd gave her.
Restaurants. Just restaurants. All of them. Don't need food! Only chocolate.
An ice cream stand up ahead. Briefly considering, she shook her head. No. No cold foods. Not at this time of the month.
Minutes passed as she looked around. Nothing!... chocolate, need chocolate, chocolate, chocolate...
Increasingly frantic by the second, she left the building. Halls opened up through another door on the right. People passing flyers and crowds gathered around stands. Not what she needed.
More doors. More hallways. More people.
She almost missed it. There in the lone corner of the entrance stood a vending machine. A glow seemed to be cast from it, almost like a halo. Yes!
Digging out her card, she pressed the buttons, and then... bliss.
Finally.
The recitation in her mind grew quiet, calm once more.

I imagine I'm running from zombies...

... whenever I go on a run. It really keeps me motivated. :D
And not the slow zombies, like on resident evil. The fast ones, like on 28 days later. Those are scary as fuck. I would not last an hour in that world. Although resident evil also has its really scary zombies. Like lickers. Those are just really creepy. And don't get me started on the tyrants, lol.
So, yeah. I've been working out more often lately, and, lemme tell you, it's hard as hell. I feel hungry and tired all the time. I remember I used to be able to go hours without eating anything more than a light snack. And now it's like my stomach is always screaming at me. Sigh. And I have no money, so now I have to, God forbid, learn how to cook. This coming from the girl who burnt toast so many times that she had to buy a whole new loaf.

Je n'ai pas d'argent...

Seriously. I'm sooo broke right now. I am seriously never getting another cat until I'm fucking rich.
And I'm starving. There's really nothing at home (okay, I have no idea how to cook, and, by the time I'm hungry enough, looking up recipes just takes too fucking long).
There's this voice in my head that keeps telling me, it's only one time. What harm can it do?
And there's another voice that keeps saying, No, don't do it. You'll only regret it. Remember, vous n'avez pas d'argent. Yeah, it starts talking in french. I dunno why.
I'm sooo huuunnngggrrryyyy....
Fuck it.
I'm ordering mcdonald's.

It's back to school again

I know a lot of you are like, "Ugh! Not another BtS post!"
Seriously. I've heard it all. In my head. :P

But, yeah. School's a really complicated subject for me right now. I know you're all thinking, "Oh great, she fucked herself over again." And you wouldn't be altogether wrong.
Basically, what happened was that I messed up and got a lot of bad grades last year (and one in the summer). So much so that I had to switch programs. Only, procrastinating and avoiding me didn't do this until August. Just when I realized that switching programs take a shitload of time to be processed. Which meant that I might not go back in September.
Actually, the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. I have a massive credit card bill to pay due to my cat being sick and having to go to the vet, and I could work full-time until January to pay it off. Only one thing blocked me. A full-year course that I needed for basically every second-year course in my program.
But, fortunately, it turns out the program change happened fast, so now I can take courses in September. Or not.
They're all really full. And I'm refreshing like every five minutes to get into at least that full-year course. Which is really full too.
And I can't apply for government funding until I have all my courses, unless I want to get a lot less than I really need. So I'm basically screwed.
I guess I'll just keep refreshing until I get in.
Sigh.
I really hate school. There was a time I loved it, but now, due to my bad habits, and administrative lag (seriously, it's not the 19th century anymore!), I'm really starting to dislike it.